| Jokes and Stuff | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| CANNIBAL FRUIT SALAD | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get 10 pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought 10 apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in, but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king 10 berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples." | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Eighty Year Old Virgin | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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An eighty year old virgin woman went to the doctor because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, "You have the crabs." She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin. She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, "You probably have the crabs." "No," she said, "I am an eighty year old virgin." Frustrated, she went to a third doctor. She said, "Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don't tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs." The doctor said, "Jump on the table and let's have a look." After examining the doctor proclaimed, "Ma'am, your right, you do not have the crabs, this cherry is so old, you have fruit flies." | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Froze to Death | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. | "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?" "It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?" "I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man. "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive." http://www.elilabs.com/upc/OK/Bartlesville/guestbk.html Chat Site
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